It's a bit surreal to come back to my blog to write down this beautiful life event, especially as I log on and see that the last post I wrote about was a miscarriage post. Last year on Christmas day was when we started telling our family that we were pregnant with Birdie, so the fact that I went into labor on Boxing day morning, the following year is such a unique part of the story.
Joanie's due date was December 21, and I was sure I'd go early (since that was the most convenient for me, and Theodore came 8 days early so I just assumed...). I had a few weeks of on again off again Braxton Hicks contractions, often for hours through the night in a pattern that would peter out eventually. Each night going to bed I'd wonder if this was the night. We'd planned to have a home birth for a variety of different reasons. I LOVED my birth story with Theodore, (water broke at home at 38 + 4, no contractions, went to the hospital for induction, got an epidural 2.5 hours in, born after 5.5 hrs of active labor), but the thought of a quick labor at home, especially due near Christmas, was a nice thought to me. We were cautious about moving forward with it because I didn't know how I would feel in the moment, and may be one of those people who prefers to be in a hospital setting, or change my mind and want an epidural, or need to transfer due to meconium in the fluid or something, and I didn't want to feel like I'd FAILED my home birth plan. So we set everything up, and also packed hospital bags just in case. Now comes the good stuff. On December 26 at 1:45 in the morning I woke up with pretty bad "cramps", but I was used to this already from the weeks before so I didn't think much of it, I tried to keep sleeping. At 2:15 I looked at the clock assuming it'd been a few hours, and was quite surprised to see how many cramps I'd had in such a little time frame. I got up to go to the bathroom and from there started timing them. As soon as I got up I realized this was different. They got into a pattern pretty quickly of 2-3 minutes apart, but lasting only 30-45 seconds. The midwives had said to call once they were lasting a minute. I couldn't lay back down, I couldn't sit through a contraction, and I was starting to make noise, so at 2:45 I woke Dan up, telling him I wanted him to come help me make toast. (You know when you ask your husband to help you make something as simple as toast, it's probably more than just pre-labor). By 3:10 am we called the midwife, as well as 2 friends Aidan and Carmen Cooper to come over. Everyone arrived by 4 am, and thats when we moved to the basement which I'd made into a little cozy cave.
The midwife got all her stuff set up and then checked me at 4:30, and I was 6 cm dilated. Everything after that moved quite quickly. I was still managing contractions pretty well, laughing and chatting between them, and directing people around to unclog the toilet, get me water, light candles, and turn on music. During contractions I loved standing gripping the side of the stairs, keeping my hips wide and moving lots. Most women find different ways of coping as they get into active labor, whether it be imagining riding a wave, or visualizing their breath as it moves in and out of their body. I didn't really have a strong focus like that, but I did have a feeling of channeling my inner Beyonce. Haha. As a fairly modest person, I knew that in labor I wanted to feel uninhibited, and able to move my hips and sway as much as I wanted, visualizing my baby moving down into my pelvis as I swayed. A pre-labor song I listened to a lot that made me feel confident was "run the world" by Beyonce ( "who run the world? Girls...")
I coped like this while they filled the $45 fishy pool we'd bought from Canadian Tire. I didn't know how I'd like the water because I never had the opportunity with Theodore's birth. Let me tell you, it was THE BEST! Around 5:00 I got into it, and was in a sort of froggy lunge position. My water hadn't broken yet, and the water intensified everything, but in a great way. I knew that she was coming fast, and I felt so relieved and excited that we were still at home. I felt very safe, and uninhibited. The music playlist I'd chosen was relaxing, and with the hot water continually being added to the pool, and the heater on in the basement, it was so cozy. Dan says once I got in the tub he could tell it was getting intense for me because at the beginning of every contraction I would just start explaining what kind of pain it was, where it was, what it felt like. "Ohhh, this one is, it is, ohhhh, it's so low,......" "ok, ok, ok" "It's very intense". I thought I'd throw up, and asked for a bowl, and that was in a weird way a great reassurance because I knew I was in transition and that meant we were so close to meeting her! My doula pal Crystal also always says "one throw up does the work of a few contractions" so I knew even if I threw up, it would be progress, and I was genuinely thankful for each contraction that brought her closer to me.
I'm not sure when I started to actually push for real, but one of my favourite things about the birth was that it was completely self-directed pushing. I was able to do what felt good to me. They reassured me about what I was doing, but there was no counting, no "take a deep breath and give me 3 pushes the next contraction". With Theodores birth, I loved being directed, I loved having that reassurance that I was doing the right thing, and them telling me how and where and when to push. And this time, it was a unique and lovely experience to trust my body and tune in to what felt good.
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The song below came on my playlist and I asked them to keep it on repeat until she was born. When we were having our miscarriage, this song was on the album that I played over and over again. It was a song that gave me hope, I imagined our next baby, whether it was Birdy or another baby being born to this song. I listened to it many times in preparation for the birth, and imagined holding my little one, all wet and warm in my arms for the first time. I'd recommend playing it now while you finish reading the actual birth.
Pushing was so empowering. They told me they could see her head, and her hair was dark. Dan had asked earlier what he could do to help me, and I assured him that his presence right beside me was exactly enough. I felt in control, I felt safe and loved, and I didn't want to be distracted by what other people were doing in the room. Dan told me later that one of the midwives kept telling me to keep my sounds low, and I honestly don't remember her saying it even once. I was SO focussed. I couldn't even hear my own sounds if that makes sense. At one point I felt present to the room and heard myself and the sounds I was making and I felt surprised at how powerful they were. After reading "Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth" I was proud of myself for being able to be as uninhibited as the women's stories I'd read about.
My water broke about 3 contractions before she was born. Exactly the opposite of her brother who's water broke before contractions even started. I said out loud "It's good when I push. When I push it brings me closer to the end. I have to push to get her out" And then I looked around for reassurance that yes, indeed, that's how this works. A few pushes later and I felt her head born, and then a few more small pushes and her body. They helped me grab hold of her and pull her up onto my chest. I'm not sure what I could possibly say that would describe the feelings of love and joy and excitement. The pictures I'm sure describe it much better than my words ever could!
She was born at 6:02 am, at 7lbs 8 oz.
After she was born, we waited for the cord to stop pulsing, Dan cut the cord, and we stayed there for a few minutes before they helped me onto the bed to deliver the placenta and do some minor repairs. Dan got his first cuddles with her and was instantly smitten.
We had an hour together before Theodore woke up and Dan went upstairs to get him. With Christmas the day before, he'd already had quite a bit of stuff going on for a 2.5 year old thrown out of routine, and he came down very cautiously and sceptical of all the people (2 midwives plus our 2 friends, plus a fishy pool full of water and Christmas lights on the wall). When I offered him to cuddle with me and eat my snacks he hopped on the bed happily to eat with me and watch everyone else's activity before Grandma and Grandpa came to pick him up for the day.
My birth experiences with Theodore and Joanie were opposites in many ways, and both of them are my favourite! When I think back to Theodore's hospital induction epidural birth, I would not change anything. We made choices, we felt empowered, and we did what we felt most comfortable doing at the time. Joanie's 3.5 hour labor and low risk pregnancy made me relieved that we could stay home and that we were able to feel equally as empowered and comfortable there. If I had this birth as my first birth, I'm honestly not sure I would have felt as empowered at home as I did, but who I am now is very different than who I was for Theodore's pregnancy. I think that's one of the most beautiful aspects of birth, is that it is SO incredibly personal, and so timely. It isn't always within our control, in fact for the most part, it isn't in our control. Our babies make many of the decisions for us, and we have the opportunity to grow and thrive in changing environments, and circumstances. Birth reveals to us the resilience of women, and the ability we have within ourselves to make loud uninhibited noises, to ask for reassurance, to go back to the very basics of comfort, our need for touch, or our need to be untouched.
Thanks for reading this incredibly special moment in our lives. We are so thankful for Joanie's safe and beautiful arrival, and adjusting well at home! Now as a "stay at home mom" again for a little bit, I hope to continue blogging about the adjustment and motherhood through the daily grind.
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AuthorI'm a farm girl living in the city, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. I love the simple things in life, and love to share them with others. Archives
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