Hello dear friends! It's been awhile since I've been able to blog, and I must say, I missed it!!
Let's jump right in. Imagine this. It's 9 am and you just received a text message from your friend that their baby was born through the night! You've been anticipating this text for weeks now, and can't wait to pop over to the hospital on your way to work, to surprise them so you can sneak in a little newborn cuddle If I can quote "The Grinch" here... I'd playfully say "wrong-o!" As a social butterfly, before I had a baby, I anticipated myself wanting as many visitors as often as possible in the first few days. But after having Theodore, I realized just how intense and sacred those first few days and weeks are, and wished I could just have a quick and handy resource guide that I could hand out to friends and family so they would understand my needs a bit better. Not being able to find one, forced me to learn to communicate, but this is for all of you other people with friends having babies soon. In order to be a good friend to your friend who's just had a baby, here's some tips: (disclaimer, obviously this is all from my own experiences. Every woman is of course different though! When in doubt, just ask her what she needs and wants! If you've had a baby recently, I'd love to know what you agree or disagree with- leave a comment! ) 1. New Mom is tired. Even if she gave birth during the day, her body has been carrying around another fully formed body for the past few months, and the process of birth likely took it's toll. She is STRONG, and has endured a lot, but her body will now be playing catch up for the next few months. Do ask her when she might be up for a visit, and don't assume it will be in the first week of babies' life. Do show up on time, Do ask her how long she'd like you to stay, and Do take hints if it seems like she's getting tired or hinting for you to head out the door. She loves you, but she's tired. 2. New Mom probably doesn't know what is in her fridge, let alone have something to offer you. She's been busy trying to figure out how to keep a newborn alive, whether it be through breastfeeding, pumping, or formula. She is learning a new schedule, and probably won't have your favourite coffee cake or maybe even coffee to offer. Do text the night before to offer to bring her favourite drink, Do stop at Cake and Loaf Bakery to pick up a chicken pot pie on the way, or make a meal with leftovers to bring. 3. New Mom may feel too supported, or she might not feel supported enough. The only way to know, is to ask. She may have too many people asking to come visit and she feels overwhelmed as a people pleaser not wanting to let people down, and say yes at the expense of her own rest and recovery time. On the other hand, she may be feeling unsupported, and want more visitors! Do remember that as much as YOU want to cuddle the newborn, and as much as SHE wants to show him or her off, this is also about HER. Everyone everywhere will ask about the baby, and want to see their cute and perfect little toes. Do remind new mom that you love HER and who she is becoming as a mom. Do ask her how you can support her. Do ask her how she's doing emotionally, and give her a hug. 4. New Mom actually likes to cuddle the baby too. Trust me when I say that everyone who comes to visit, will want to hold the baby, and everyone thinks that's a helpful thing to do. When Theodore was born, everyone offered to help by holding him, so I could do something else, like have a bath, or do the dishes or laundry or go get groceries. Maybe I am a rare breed who thinks this is an appropriate thing to ask, but I definitely think there is a place for the closest family and friends to step in and offer to do those things too. If you've held the baby for awhile, do ask her if there's anything else you can do to bless her. Name a few things like dishes or laundry or vacuuming, so she understands you're talking about unpleasant things. Especially if you are a friend who visits regularly, there will be lots of time to share the baby around, but treating your friend to a sink full of clean dishes, now THAT is showing her you love her. 5. New Mom has fallen in love. It's hard to explain the overwhelming obsession with your newborn until you experience it. Just like you would ask questions to a friend when they have a crush and you want to know all the details of their latest date, even if you don't have children yet, try to understand that new mom has fallen head over heels, and might not know how to talk about anything else for awhile. Do listen to her gush on and on, Do ask questions, Do remember that she is trying to figure out her new role in life, and give her grace when she doesn't ask too many questions back because she is still living in this moment with her newborn. Now go find a new mom and bless her in abundance, because she's in the middle of a crazy amazing beautiful whirlwind season, and she loves you, and she needs you. (Shout out now to all my family and friends who were SO supportive through our pregnancy and the first year of our little guy's birth. We were so blessed by you. Thank you for understanding me and being gracious when I was tired and grumpy and obsessed and hormonal. It was one of the craziest and best times of my life, and your support means the world to me.)
2 Comments
Julie (mom)
5/13/2016 06:28:12 pm
Well said Melissa. I am so proud of you!
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Brittany W
8/25/2016 05:22:50 pm
I agree with this! I actually didn't mind people visiting at the hospital.. I had a rediculous amount, but I realized after its because I didn't have to act as a host. Once I went home and people came over I felt obligated to get up to get them drinks or snacks and ended up being in so much more pain. Next time I'll get my visiting in at the hospital (also where people don't want to stay long) and rest for a few days at home 😊
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AuthorI'm a farm girl living in the city, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. I love the simple things in life, and love to share them with others. Archives
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