Hello friends, as many of you saw my post on social media this weekend, Dan and I lost a pregnancy at 9 weeks last week, and are still in the midst of our grieving, processing, and healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. Since sharing our news, I have been SO blessed an honoured to have so many women I know and love share their own stories with me and I felt a huge burden lifted as I could suddenly KNOW that we are not alone in this grief. Everyone grieves in their own way, and for me, blogging, journalling, and sharing is the best way for me to process. The next series of blog posts will be my raw account of finding healing and processing what has happened to us. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss, and I hope that in me sharing our own story, it will help others find healing, comfort, and know that they are not alone. Please feel no pressure to read, but this is both my gift to myself, and maybe a gift to you if you are in a similar place. December 21, 2016. Hello my dear! You exist! You are the size of a poppy seed, and you are my little, lovely person. We just found out about you officially through a test yesterday, but I've known about you since 4 days earlier. Even before a pregnancy test could show up positive, the rest of my body already knew. I had been tired, and experiencing nausea already- which is much sooner than with Theodore- so I've actually wondered if you're twins in there! We haven't told our families yet, but we will in the next 2 weeks and that will make everything more real! Your dad and I were both SO excited that it was true, and last night we got Aunty Katie to babysit your big brother Theodore so Daddy and I could go out for dinner to talk and dream all about you! I am already so excited to meet you and know who you are. I love you more than you can imagine! Love Mama. January 25, 2017
Littlest one, What a journey we've already had with you! Your dad and I told my side of the family on Christmas day with a little ornament that I embroidered with your due date on it. Everyone was so excited for us, and can't wait to meet you. We told grandma, grandpa, aunty Michelle and uncle Jason the following Sunday, New years day, by bringing Theodore over with a shirt that said "#1 big bro". Of course they squeeled too! Then we told our friends at our house over dinner. All of the girls had a sense about it already. Katie even had a little "gift" of ginger candies in a gift bag ready for me. My girls know me well. It's neat to be pregnant at the same time as so many of them. Hannah announced that they're having a girl. Brittany announced that they're having TWINS, a boy and a girl! And Katie is also expecting! About 3 weeks ago I had some bleeding so I went to the doctor, had an ultrasound and 3 bloodwork. The doctors told us that at 6 weeks you were measuring more like 4, and we'd just have to wait and see. Dan commented to me that hearing you were small made you seem like an underdog and he just wanted to cheer you on! He said knowing that little detail about you made him love you so much more. It's the only thing we know about you so far. For about a week and a half it was a roller coaster, we didn't know if you were doing ok in there. I cried many tears and it broke my heart to think of the possibility that we might not meet you on this side of eternity. Then the doctors seemed reassured at increasing HCG levels and the midwife was positive too so we were accepting again that you may be totally healthy and good in there. Ever since the midwife appointment though I've been bleeding and filled with the fear that you are no longer with us, or that we are in the process of losing you. I'm asking God for a miracle tonight. That he will heal the bleeding and take you up to speed in your development, and that we can meet you face to face one day. We love you so much little bean, and we'll see you tomorrow morning in the ultrasound. xoxo Mama.
2 Comments
Oh Mel, I know those prayers for hope and healing and miracles so well. It's such a hard season of life, one too many mothers know intimately.
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AuthorI'm a farm girl living in the city, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. I love the simple things in life, and love to share them with others. Archives
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