My entrance into motherhood began as a young girl. I was the little one who carted a doll around with her and dreamt one day of having my own real live baby who would call me "mom". I was fascinated with little toes, little coos, little yawns. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the typical workplace jobs changed regularly, from teacher, to hair dresser, to ballerina (even though I'd never taken a ballet class in my life), but two things never changed. I always knew that I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Even if I couldn't have biological children, I'd made up a plan for adoption so I could have a nice big family, and wanted to also be a mother like figure to neighbourhood kids in need of maternal care. Even though so much about motherhood so far has been instinctual and natural, I am more surprised at how much doesn't come naturally, and is hard to grow into. The reality check began when discovering that I was pregnant, and the nausea became very real. I remember thinking to myself once (while hurling into the toilet bowl for the 4th time that day ), that the baby was already teaching me to put him first, above my own comfort. The stages of pregnancy do not feel natural. While some women take on a somewhat angelic form while pregnant, and seem to truly have a glow, I felt like every part of me was falling apart. Not always emotionally, despite the wicked hormones, but mostly physically. Hips seem to slide right out of their place, rolling over in bed is impossible, food takes on a personality of deviance and the acne, Oh the acne. Once Theodore was born, there were new events that made me realize how much isn't natural. Breastfeeding was challenging (that deserves a blog post all on it's own), adjusting to little sleep was unnatural, and being a grumpy pants because I'm being stretched thin is no fun either. All these things point me to the fact that motherhood, as much as it is individually for each woman, is also a community endeavour. Not for other women to tell us HOW to do things, but rather to point us back to WHO we are in the midst of the challenges, and WHOSE we are. I don't want to just survive motherhood, I want to journey it authentically beside women who see the best in me, and who desire to help me offer that best to my child, especially when it's not instinctual or natural. To the women and mothers who draw out the best in me, thank you!
1 Comment
|
AuthorI'm a farm girl living in the city, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. I love the simple things in life, and love to share them with others. Archives
February 2017
Categories
All
|